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Triumph of meanness
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  • Re: "War on Everyone" - I gave this film one star for the scene where they run over a mime - but that's because I have a deep seated hatred of clowns and mimes (to me) are just clown ninjas.

    Love this thread.

  • Alien: Covenant

    Films starts with breaking basic rule by killing someone you have no idea existed two seconds ago and later trying to expect emotions from audience. Guys, we don't give a fuck.

    Whole film has absolutely no humans, just various androids playing human roles. And it is idiotic hysterical androids, must be some defective refurbished units from future FoxConn lines.

    All logic present in small traces amounts in original script had been collected and painfully eliminated by special team. So not even single trace of logic can be seen, just uninterrupted streams of idiotism.

    Next time instead of shooting Alien, it is best to dig up deep hole, shout all the script content in it and quickly bury the hole so no same soul will ever knew it.

  • Snatched

    Two non working idiotic bad looking bitches are the main anti-heroes here.
    The most sympathetic character is the criminal who accidently kidnapped them.
    Bitches killed half of his family and almost killed him.
    Whole movie is complete trash.

    Suggest better see something from good old days of Goldie Hawn

  • Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

    Few year ago special Russian hackers group infiltrated Marvel office databases and stole all the scripts including Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 to Vol 297 carefully prepared by most masterful screenplay authors in two weeks during their heavy cocaine usage holidays.

    Unfortunately other group members made inexcusable error by trying to understand that they just read and hence instantly passed away in extreme head pain. And it was usually just few pages, imagine the power of whole thing.

    As sole surviving member I, and all your few remaining gray cells as company, warn you to keep safe distance from everything even remotely similar to Marvel productions.

    P.S. Do not worry, Trump appears only in Vol 7, you still have few years left.

  • Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

    Perfect example of CGI hell and modern Hollywood writing.

    Just small sample:

    I confess that I'm not a witch, that I am a woman of science.

    This is the diary of Galileo Galilei.
    He spent his life searching for the Trident.
    It's why he invented the spyglass... why astronomers have spent
    their lives staring into the sky.
    Soon there will be a blood moon.
    Only then can the map be read.
    And the Trident found.

    And this is one of the smartest lines in whole film. I have no words after this.

  • Transformers: The Last Knight

    Whole film you will see how idiots burn money and resources for nothing

    Two and a half fucking hours with dialogs written by imbecile under cocaine.

    I just got this film that was in front of me
    and it's, like, just moving all around.
    Yeah. It seems to not be... if you'd...
    It's just sort of slithery...
    Slipping to the...
    - Yeah, it's coming down.
    - It's going down your pants there. Careful.
    And is it tight or gripping on?
    It doesn't hurt,
    but I don't know what it does. I think the purpose... I think the...
    We'll find out what the purpose is.
    What is... what is all this?
    End of the world.

  • Wind River

    Film based on idea to make something Fargo style, but without script, music and proper acting.
    No one you see you care for. All around is generic and trying to make things look serious.
    If you will look it as bad dark comedy and set speed to 2x it can be watchable.

  • Brigsby Bear

    It can be described as "Blast From the Past"(very good film) general concept paired with "It Crowd" (another good thing) and The Big Bang Theory style approach, yet with story written by imbecile and complete 100% miscast.

    Actually it is bad film about horrible childish behavior and holding into it. And with very bad smell too.

  • Star Wars: The Last Jedi

    Poor little SW fans.
    Only now some of them noticed that Disney trilogy is fully opposite to originals being pure farce.
    And it is not coincidence, it was original intent.

  • Jungle

    Film for hipsters about hipsters. Horrible script breaking all the rules.

    In short - one complete dumbass want to go to jungle with strange guide and 2 other hipsters.
    For pure fun of thing.

    As in all usual bad scripts, they split. And our dumbass due to strange random events becomes wet and alone.

    From now on he become dumber and dumber each hour and director to overcome this adds some fake horrors only citizen of some large city can imagine.

    Final result - he almost dies but only almost, two other guys die for real, but out of camera range.
    All as result of fun hipster trip..

    But he was Jew and son of respected parents it become famous story in close family circles.
    It seems that exactly one year ago family become so rich so they paid to make film based on it.

  • 5 Headed Shark Attack

    F&^#%$#g S^$#%t.

  • The Foreigner

    Old Jacky Chan kicks ass of old IRA guys.
    Very subpar script with big holes.

  • Kingsman: The Golden Shower Circle

    Film set new height in mocking poor buyer of tickets to watch Hollywood products.

    After script writers, actors and director finally managed to go out of cocaine overdose marathon, they finally watched the picture they made and loved it. It is strong suspicion that during marathon they moved to more heavy drugs as special investigation under CIA supervision failed to find any other human being outside drug rehabilitation center who managed to watch this without vomiting.

    Whole film story in short version:

    • Positive hero here is the head of drug cartel, she is stylish, do not think that money is the goal in life, so she set real good goal in life - finally get rid of all junkies in parallel destroying her cartel.
    • She also has secret friend - Donald R Duck, president of US, who share same high goal.
    • On bad boys side we have Statesman - US guys who are interested in drunks, and remains of Kingsman, I guess this guys actually sell natural heavy drugs and do not like competition.
    • As usual, bad boys won, junkies saved, Russian hackers took responsibility for arranging all thing.
  • Bright

    Imagine yourself The Firth Element, but few things happened before production began and after this.
    First, scenarist jumped from the bridge with the script in his mouth, so script was written by his home cat, do not ask me how.
    Second, NSA with FBI made join background check on everyone among actors or crew, all with any sense of humor had been fired within a day of this check completion.
    Third, during production special monkey squad was used to decide the scenes order and also money given to each individual (biggest problem actually was to transport piles of money from the set).
    After production was finished five special anti suicide teams had been called to preview room.

  • Blade Runner 2049

    I'll tell you whole film in less than a minute.

    Film starts. You see picture shot by one static camera of old guy on a toilet.


    He couldn't do it for almost a month.
    His teeth periodically clench.
    And he is doing enormous effort to do it.
    But could not.
    Besides him he also has some old magazines with tits of Japanese girls.
    Somehow he think it'll help. But it is not.
    After 3 hours, old guy stand up, make small nod to thank you for watching and go out of the frame.

    Now just add almost $200 millions for CGI and bad music, and you'll get Blade Runner 2049.

    549 x 500 - 39K
  • Triumph of cowards and traitors aka Dunkirk

    Good exemplar in collection, outmatch the triple that started the topic.

    Main story short.

    Around 400000 people not willing to fight much was guided by their commanders to Dunkirk for evacuation and had been surrounded by German forces. German forces had been stopped for some time during negotiations for possible peace treaty or sign of good will as others historians think, some others think it was plot to leave to Germans huge armada of completely pristine vehicles, artillery and tanks. Such stop still considered worst Hitler decision in WWII. As it gave around 350000 people time to evacuate to UK, small boats was used mostly as way to boat people on larger vessels.

    Director had hard task to explain behavior of this set of people (hard to call it army). So, to make task easy he scaled things down, like around 100 times. So you will see evacuation of around 3000 people, most of the time it'll be much smaller.

    But it was not enough. So, he appealed to filister inside you. To little gray slave with animal like fear. He needed to rise this little freak to gigantic size to have an excuse.

    In this film we follow cowardly people who do not care about anything but their ass, and we really do not care about them. They are just strange puppets, like set of cockroaches.

    We even do not care about one superman pilot who hit most of German aircraft around by himself in completely unrealistic air dogfight. He is same fake puppet as everything else around.

    And of course horrible small boat story about fake "patriots" was added.

    Add to this lack of any meaningful script, and completely horrible artistry editing and music made without any real point. Just for the fun of thing.

    Watch the amazing Das Boot directly after this shit to understand my title.

  • Geostorm

    It was very hard task, CIA wanted to transfer around $120 million USD to their drug plantations.
    How to do it without being noticed?
    They come with amazing plan.
    They paid $1 million to Indian firm to make cheap and bad CGI.
    And another $150k to shot all other locations.
    Last $150 had been paid to script author whom they found in nearest bar.
    All the rest money went to proper destination.

    You can check result. If you just want to waste your time, of course.

  • The Mountain Between Us

    Two stupid people survive in the stupid plane crash caused by stupid decisions.

    After this they do various stupid things but survive.

    Go watch Discovery, their animal films have much more drama.

  • Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

    Extremely good sample. With (as usual now) high ratings that studio paid for.

    Film about lot of useless people who swear constantly without any reason.
    None of them have any value to society. None of them you can empathize.
    Lack of good story, lack of logic, idea to force emotions using cheap tricks.
    Horrible pacing and editing. Frequently out of place music.
    And, of course, as usual for modern horrible films - triumph of idealism and individualism in worse form, by worse I mean it is individuals who must not be on screen at all. But this is that ruling class want to force to you. One thing I am glad for. As this shit is nominated for 7 Oscars it is good indication that end of this degradation is not too far.

    Remember original starting paragraph of this topic:

    People who deserve to die, who have no real value and no real attachment to audience. People who do all they can (and something outside their abilities) to die fast - somehow survive (mostly due to complete logical and technical idiocy of everything around them). And we are not only supposed to be on their side but even pay for watching this crap. It must be all in reverse, such films must be shown by force in special camps were new breed of hamsters will be created.

  • 6 Below: Miracle on the Mountain

    Film about drug addicted idiot that manages to survive by accident.
    Whole film is big waste of time and money.

  • A Quiet Place

    Interesting movie made for imbeciles. Whole concept of creatures who are able to manage interstellar travel and come to new planets to just sit in grass and hunt few remaining stupid local citizens. And btw, they have exceptional hearing (it also means that it can hear only that director wants it to hear), no vision or any other senses. Actually it is only original thing in this movie.

    None of happening things make any sense. None.

    None of the emotional things are done right, in right time and in right order.

    None of the things that must be scary looks such.

    Such movie is possible only in degrading class society where normal social science and materialism are being hunted down and replaced by celebrities. Where scared people with lot of debt and problems need similar movies to prove to themselves that it is much worse situations somewhere.

  • New, better shit coming

  • New stuff after long pause.

    Perfect example of horrible, but high acclaimed, movie that use horde instincts to prevent people to tell that they really think.

    Family of people without almost any skills and jobs turns overnight into team of extremely skillful con artists who also have lot of good paid skills.

    Almost all other parts of the script have no meaning at all.

    Looks like some advanced student exercise in making movies just to spend money.

    Comes from the guy who made Okja - previous idiotic entry in this same list.

  • Another horrible swearing meaningless thingy

    How about make aristocratic family to swear like drunk sailors? Funny?

    How about to add little Satan rituals without any logic? Funny?

    How about to make main character bride without any backstory, character development or even reasonable acting? Not funny.

    All of this is very sad shite.

  • Ouch re:Bong Joon - I liked memories of murder and developed a soft-spot for Snowpiercer after the ending