Brigsby Bear

It can be described as "Blast From the Past"(very good film) general concept paired with "It Crowd" (another good thing) and The Big Bang Theory style approach, yet with story written by imbecile and complete 100% miscast.

Actually it is bad film about horrible childish behavior and holding into it. And with very bad smell too.

Transformers: The Last Knight

Whole film you will see how idiots burn money and resources for nothing

Two and a half fucking hours with dialogs written by imbecile under cocaine.

I just got this film that was in front of me
and it's, like, just moving all around.
Yeah. It seems to not be... if you'd...
It's just sort of slithery...
Slipping to the...
- Yeah, it's coming down.
- It's going down your pants there. Careful.
And is it tight or gripping on?
It doesn't hurt,
but I don't know what it does. I think the purpose... I think the...
We'll find out what the purpose is.
What is... what is all this?
End of the world.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Few year ago special Russian hackers group infiltrated Marvel office databases and stole all the scripts including Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 to Vol 297 carefully prepared by most masterful screenplay authors in two weeks during their heavy cocaine usage holidays.

Unfortunately other group members made inexcusable error by trying to understand that they just read and hence instantly passed away in extreme head pain. And it was usually just few pages, imagine the power of whole thing.

As sole surviving member I, and all your few remaining gray cells as company, warn you to keep safe distance from everything even remotely similar to Marvel productions.

P.S. Do not worry, Trump appears only in Vol 7, you still have few years left.

Alien: Covenant

Films starts with breaking basic rule by killing someone you have no idea existed two seconds ago and later trying to expect emotions from audience. Guys, we don't give a fuck.

Whole film has absolutely no humans, just various androids playing human roles. And it is idiotic hysterical androids, must be some defective refurbished units from future FoxConn lines.

All logic present in small traces amounts in original script had been collected and painfully eliminated by special team. So not even single trace of logic can be seen, just uninterrupted streams of idiotism.

Next time instead of shooting Alien, it is best to dig up deep hole, shout all the script content in it and quickly bury the hole so no same soul will ever knew it.

7 Days in Hell

Tour de Pharmacy

Another films made without any normal adult supervision. Actors just wrote, directed and laughed at all this themselves.

Both films try to be funny, but because all we see is just actors and idiots dreams put into film it became total triumph of vulgarity and laziness.

Polaroid horror flick

New levels, new levels.

Kong: Skull Island - Rise of the King

Compared to this Zombievers is the pinnacle of filmmaking.

La La Land

This film actually does not need people. At all, not made for them. They want your money, of course, but you are necessary only as transport of money to their pockets. After the ritual you can be free.
So, your best behavior must be same as always in case you see big pile of smelly dog sheet. Just get around it, no need to test and later tell everyone your experience. No one really need to know it.

Considering ratings - initially they just buy reviews and feedback and later it is also https://masscommtheory.com/theory-overviews/spiral-of-silence/

Hunt for the Wilderpeople

That's the typical government. Always trying to step on the little guy just for living his life.

Form fillers. That's how they get you. Anything you want to do in life, you got to fill out a form.

And they've got forms for everything. You fill it out, it goes upstairs, and then they make you fill out a new form, just to confirm it was you that filled out the first form.

And if ever you want to stop filling out forms, well, there's about five different forms for that.

There are two layers in this film. One external layer is about beautiful New Zealand nature and very simple story that can be developed into interesting film.

Second layer is more complex. It is about full miscast of each and every of main and secondary characters, except one, but she die suddenly 15 minutes into the film. It is about lack of any real character development, changes or anything. It is about same sin as in any CGI rich movie, but this time it is nature shots instead of CGI. Btw, another good fun actor appears also for 5 minutes and this is his character quote above.

Silicon Valley, series, 1-3 seasons

In Russia we had extra simple and fun series called Steep dive

Short synopsis of it - "Passenger airliner Broiler-747 is inevitably falling down at full speed during all 325 episodes, all this time crew of the airliner bravely fights to save passengers. "

Actually you just fully heard Silicon Valley main plot line. Small crew of idiots is nosediving their poor startup but something, always against any logic and thanks to god, always come up to save it for another episode.

Does is show how startup work, even remotely? Absolutely not. May be it shows the progress of startup and maturity process? Nope, zero. It is like caterpillar who refused to do anything, eat tons of LSD and became immortal.

The Thirteenth Floor, 1999

There is good reason why we had Matrix and this film released in almost exactly same time.

Years prior of 1999 was pinnacle of capitalism, dotcom bubble, idea that now it is end of time, idea that using smart manipulation you can control everything. In other words - idealism in every possible forms in all media products.

Both movies are pinnacle of idealism in movies. Where is no reality, only some computer simulation (extreme form of idealism). Yet materialistic reality and progress slowly tightened grip on capitalism neck and on such ideas. They still do some inferiour stuff ala Arrival, but trend is definitely down. Few moments are left until you see first crushing bones.

Passengers

Second straight horror shit from Morten Tyldum.

Short version for saving your time.

Deep in the space you have one huge ship with lot of sleep pods with idiots in them, yet 95% of ship space being taken by vine savings, resort hotels and empty hookers rooms (actual hookers are also asleep for now).

Accidently ship fly through asteroid field, and, as all scientific though had been wasted on pools and fancy lighting, it causes issues. But do not worry. Issues in this film have nothing to do with our galaxy, they are all remain in the Force, driven by the Force... shit.. sorry, had been pulled by fantasy to other direction. But you got the idea. Two small rocks just hit poor ship, one rock awakens Joe Shmuker guy and another hit directly into the reactor core and driving computer, but the Force.. ok.,ok, I stop. But you got the idea.

So, our Joe Schmuker spend one year sitting near female sleeping pods and masturbating. But finally decides that it is time to try real thing. And he did, he did!

After he is fully satisfied, it is time to tell Missy Hooker that she is actually amazing writer and not stupid actress playing bad role, as it is usual for her. With this melodrama thing being over it is time for the Force to finally show the power.

Of course in final part we see amazing, heroic actions of Joe and Missy who literally save the ship and thermonuclear reactor using hammer and all the school knowledge they still had in their head (do not worry, I do not mean alphabet now, it is too advanced).

After successfully saving ship defying all laws of physics and logic they meet at the floor and open Kamasutra book to explore positions they can try. Strong music start to play and all fades out.

On all screen in huge white letters existential question appear:
"What else a man could do if not eat and fuck?"

And it fades and we see Joe near another sleep pod with pretty female saying:
"He could eat twice as much and fuck twice as many!"