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  • So, the script is up! Now everyone read, proofread, comment, chaos... whatever, just take a bite out of it and enjoy! :)

    If everyone can read it soon, we can quickly start dividing up work. How cool would it be for everyone to be able to start pre-production for their teams next week!

  • It flowed pretty good, dialogue seemed fairly natural. The only awkward part was the kids saying "let's get out of here". Most young people would just say "let's split", or "lets bounce", some thing shorter with a slang word.

    I also didn't get what Holly meant by "You know, from the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you must be one of those lovable weirdos."

    Is this supposed to let on that she knows more about him than she is telling? Or that people like Peter are common within the world of the film? If she just thinks he's insane or schizophrenic, would she talk to him about it so directly? I'm sure I'm just missing something, maybe a rewording of it could help.

  • @b3guy Holly is communicating something more along the lines of "you are such a dork, but I like you" (except with a contraction, but I cannot use apostrophes on this phone). So nothing deeper there, but it can certainly be re-worded to be less open-ended.

    I considered using something like what you mentioned for the kids but decided against it. The problem is multi-faceted: try to stay current and it will date very quickly. Think about the teen slang in 90s movies viewed now. Basically, the idea is to keep it simple and timeless and not make it seem like we are "trying" too hard. But I think the director may be able to pretty much help the kids imrpovise a couple more natural variations, the way the kids would normally do it, so that we have options in editing.

    Thanks so much for being the first to comment. :)

    Also, @AtticusD and I will definitely talk about those two parts during our next editing session.

  • How about "Let's go"? pretty basic, pretty timeless, not really slang. (just an idea, although I understand what you're saying, the kids could say various things at once as directed and it would sound fine if layered.)

  • @b3Guy Definitely an option. Suffice to say, since the delivery is off-screen, the director will be given a few alternatives to have the kids run through, and the most natural delivery will be chosen. So the list might have your suggestion, and just "he is coming" (except a contraction, but the earlier typing issue applies), as well as a few regional options, etc.

    I trust that the director and kids will be able to give a natural delivery appropriate to the area, so I will not worry about it anymore. Thanks for pointing out that the original was awkward - the final one will not be. :)

    Any other thoughts? What are people thinking about the amount of scene directions vs dialog? Are the visual descriptions sufficently clear or do people want more detail? Things like that. :)

    I gave the current draft to some of my writer friends to get input on whether any other parts of the dialog, so hopefully it will be even more fluid later this week. But I think that this is pretty much what we are about to start preparing to shoot.

    Other than dialog refinement, is there anything anyone would like to see addressed before we start dividing up the work in a few days?

    Also, I was thinking that it might be nice to use the trailer/short to get a kickstarter project going to help fund the minor expenses for the film. What I would really like is if we could raise enough to provide funds for VK to help maintain the site and to get several cameras for the next round to help his hacking.

    What does everyone else think?

  • One thing to be aware of . . . there are a lot of specific shooting/editing directions (All the "Cut Tos" just to mention the obvious). I don't mean to squash your vision for the film or to say we have to change this, but it is something to consider. I've been taught not to "direct the director" in a script. You're specifying POV shots, fade-ins, cuts, off-screen, now-in-frame, etc. I understand that you have in your head a vision of this thing, already shot, in the can . . . that's good. Its also true that we need to have a consistent and unified vision for how it will be shot and edited. All I'm wondering is . . . does that need to be stipulated in the script?

    I think it would be great to see a bare-bones (no "direction") version of the script, then to see storyboards of it from whoever would like to take a crack at it. I for one imagine this thing working really great with more abrupt and jarring cuts between the scenes. This guy is, after all, literally jumping from person to person. The cinematographic style could reflect that in a unique and wonderful way if we plan it carefully.

    One thing I am EXTREMELY exited to see in the script is attention to sound. After working sound on a budgeted short film, I know that sound gets the short end of the stick when actually, a carefully planned sound can be every bit as powerful as the image on screen. Some sound direction in script is healthy I think, just to remind directors, "HEY! here's another tool in your bag!"

    We can go about this however we want, of course, but I would be more comfortable if the script left the cinematic style to be figured out later.

    Also, I just realized . . . its 10 pages, right? Thats a 10min film right there, or 1/10th of a film . . . give or take. Is the story/character moving fast enough/far enough in 10 pages? It could possibly be tightened up. What is the big moment for our character? Is that coming up soon? Could we tighten up what we have here now and maybe make it to that point in 10 pages? (If not, how many pages to get to that point?) If we can fit the edge-of-your-seat-what-will-happen-next moment within our trailer/short, THEN we'll have people interested (and willing to throw cash at a kickstarter). I think we should be giving people a taste, a teaser. Even if later we add in scenes before or between what we put in this trailer, it should skip the non-essentials and just hit the few main points leading up to the first big moment.

    As far as a kickstarter goes . . . I think whoever is involved in the trailer is going to have to pitch in a bit to fund whatever we need for the first round. ONce we have a trailer, we have evidence that this is going somewhere . . . something to actually SHOW on a kickstarter . . . then I think we should certainly kickstart for the full film, with all extra $$ going to VK of course.

    Sorry for the novella ;) Let me know what you think, these are just one person's thoughts and opinions among many, and I know you've been working very hard, which is appreciated.

  • @B3Guy Thanks, I am really glad you are taking the time to provide so much feedback. :)

    Rather than provide my own thoughts at the moment (other than to say that I believe the project will be enhanced by the feedback people provide) I would like to ask some of the other people to give their thoughts.

    @driftwood @rrrr @kihlian @vitaliy_kiselev @bressonftw @trackzillas(If I am spelling anyone wrong please help me out because I am doing this on my phone) What are your thoughts on the script and on what @b3guy has mentioned so far?

    And @sanzadez, what about you? I plan to talk with you in more detail about things this weekend if you have time.

    And of course, @AtticusD and I will be reading through ALL of this before the next conversation.

    Oh - one other thing - I have started developing piano themes for each of the characters. Just early brainstorms (and likely to end up with entirely different arrangemenets, likely not including piano) but I thought I would mention that in the context of "attention to detail" for the sound (and music).

  • @atticusd You could always 'print to' a pdf version if you have acrobat?

    Stowaway Trailer Concept 1 - second draft.pdf
  • r just having a (mostly done) 20 minute + comment erased by my phone, I will be relying on shorter consecutive comments in this thread to avoid losing work. I hope no one minds. :)

    @driftwood Thanks for posting the PDF conversion.

    @johnnym I would love to hear any thematic ideas you have for the locations or characters after reading the script.

    @paginate There is another edit coming up within a few days, so if you read this one do it more for contwnt than for typos. The next one will definitely need your proofing.

    @L1N3ARX @imaginate @sebasp1 @Tomaso @lolo @andres @elenion @eoshd @chef @Athiril @ignatius @kong @davhar @Hallvalla @astraban @mimirsan @sohus @perder @reckless @Greek_M43 @Exilenorth @stip @jweeke @aksel @TraumManufaktur 8 months ago this project was just a concept and all of you have been a part of bringing it to where it is now: on the verge of starting production for the trailer/short film that will introduce it to the world before full length feature begins. NOW is the time to go the extra mile and weigh in because if you do not like what the script is doing now, you will not be happy with where it takes all of us in the months to come.

    The production of this movie is the first of its kind and all of you are helping write the story of what that will become. This is not about "too many cooks in the kitchen", this about creating something that the audience can love as much as we do, and each of us can represent a different parr of that audience. There is little chance that everyone will be pleased with every part, but if you do not share your voice, the odds of liking what it ends up being are far lower. :)

  • @rajamalik Would you like to share your thoughts on this, too?

    @B3Guy The general approach I have aimed for with scene directions is this. The actors should have a very clear idea of their performance from the script alone and the director should help them to build upon that and take it further, really getting a chance to develop things rather than having to come up with a micro strcuture for the acting in the scene to start with. With that in mind, the script does not specify type of shot, just the content of some of the scenes. Physical descriptions are very sparse except as an illustration of the characters state of mind at this point, though editing comments may be more specific. It is my intent that either the director (or storyboard artist) be presented with a very clear sense of what is in the scen and what people are doing, but that the style and presentation of that be left much more up to them. The editing directions suggest an initial editing approach that the film editor (s) should start with but can easily replace if they come up with something superior.

    The trick is ( like you said) that in order to uniify the film, a very clear vision needs to be presented. If we can use storyboards to do that, then that is even better. But the storyboard artist would still need to start off from the kind of descriptions being given here, because there is no overall director to step into the room and has out the ideas with them. So it falls on the shoulders of the scriptwirter and editor instead to make it clear.

    Do we have a storyboard artist assigned yet? If so, I would love to hear from them about whether the script is giving enough detail to get started at this point.

    The other aspect is that we want to start shooting really soon. For the full film there will be time for each director to craft their own vision via storyboards etc more, but on this part (the short film), it may slow things down if the director has to do a back and forth with script team or producer like that, and it is better for the script to just get the idea out there in a pretty clear way so that the director will not have to "check their intrepretation" so to speak.

    Anyway, that is my thinking so far. :)

  • First of all, I would like to thank all of you guys for your work and feedback so far. Per ( @thepalalias ) and me have been talking about making sure that all of you have a voice in the project and I see that he has been doing a pretty good job about that already. Thanks Per!

    @B3Guy Wow! Thanks a lot for all that creative feedback. Regarding the shooting/editing directions on the script, I would say that it doesn’t exist such a thing as “the correct way ” to write a screenplay. It just depends on the kind of people who’s going to read it in the first place. Here, all of us are shooters more or less and the script doesn’t have to go through a Hollywood-like filtering system. That’s why I included all that info. In any case, there’s still lots of creative room for directors and cinematographers to use their personal vision in each scene. Also, the little technical info that I include is not something set in stone. It can be improved before and during the production stage. I got your point but the particular needs of this project make it necessary that everything, starting from the script, establishes clear guidelines to avoid delays as much as possible. So, those directions should stay in my opinion.

    Your kickstarter idea is great, man. If we do it, let’s just do it in a way that doesn’t affect the schedule and pace of the project. Oh, and this short is just a prologue pretty much independent from the feature. For all intents and purposes we could consider the feature as a sequel to the short. So, don’t worry about the narrative arc of the feature because that’s a completely different venture. Thanks again for all the useful input!

    @thepalalias On scene directions, etc I agree 100% on almost everything you said. So, I won’t add more. And yes, Storyboards are a terrific tool but let’s skip them for the short-movie or else we’ll end up delaying everything too much. How about Shot Lists?

    @driftwood Hey Nick! Thanks for that pdf file! I used the .doc so everyone could easily include notes, correct typos, etc.

  • Interesting story. Only one think instead of the cappi or T-shirt with a legend like "I´m his imaginary friend" IMO it´s better to make it with motion tracking. It´s easyer to read for the audience, it´s easyer to shoot, looks more professional. Could also be made with a balloon. (Sorry I didn´t find a better picture)

    480 x 360 - 16K
  • @thepalalias music? AWESOME! Let me know if you ned a musician. I play Hammond as well as electric and acoustic guitar.

    @atticusd of course, I understand that we can go about this any way we like, so the script can certainly include these directions. You have left it pretty open in general, I just wanted to be sure that you were consciously aware of the things that are specified in the script in case they were not there on purpose.

    @Kihlian I was also unsure about how the various shirt/cap situations were going to be worked out. If we do all different ones like the script says, then we'll have to buy each one. But if we go with one shirt or cap, we have to pay to ship it to different locations, and it'll hang up shooting for that prop.

    Also, is Randall our unifying masked character? Just wondering . . .

  • @thepalalias I'm a little busy at the moment. I will give it a read later today and post my thoughts. As for speaking this weekend, I'm sure we can work something out. Feel free to PM me so we can discuss details.

  • @sanzadez Will do.

    @B3Guy Not sure whether I will need it, but always glad to hear what you play. :) Do you have links up anywhere and do you read classical notation or tabs or prefer to play by ear?

    @Kihlian @B3Guy If we have someone ready to go that has experience with the motion tracked text, I would certainly support something more along those lines. Any volunteers/suggestions?

    @AtticusD What are your thoughts on shot lists? Also, I had an idea on how to give people a sense of what the trailer arising from the prologue might be like. Should I start mocking that abridged script up after the next edit or before?

  • @thepalalias play by ear mostly, or chord charts.

  • @b3guy Okay, PM me a link to a recording and I will message you if any of the themes end up being appropriate to your style. I have a few people I rely on normally, but I am always happy to hear talented new musicians. :)

  • @B3Guy As far as we know, Randall is Peter's best friend and pretty much the only constant in his life. Yeah, those directions are there for a reason. I had to restrain myself to not include more stuff. ;) Thanks, anyway!

    @Kihlian No complains on the tracked text idea as long as it looks professional. If we are not able to achieve a seamless result we’d better raised a few bucks for apparel.

    @thepalalias It’s really great that we’ll have a proper soundtrack. But let’s let images and performances bear the weight of the story. Even when the music is great, if it’s omnipresent it can be “too much” and end up making the story less powerful.

    When I wrote the script I had a clear idea of most of the shots I would use in each scene but that’s actually the call of the directors and cinematographers. Each crew could present his own shot list before the actual shooting starts but only if it doesn’t mean incurring further delays.

  • @B3Guy @AtticusD My vote is that each team come up with their own shot list. They should not need to wait for approval and we do not want every director feeling more like an AD than a director. :) Anyway, if we find that does not work on the prologue, we will know to do a unified shot list in pre-production for the full-length feature.

    Everyone: We need a name/time-frame/price (hopefullycredit only, but let us take a look) on the motion tracked graphics. Otherwise each team will need a custom t-shirt before they start shooting. Either way, let us try and have an answer by Tuesday. That good for everyone?

    @AtticusD I tend to do subtle underscore and character themes except for action scenes and transitions. The forest scene will have no score and needs good foley. The pub will have no traditional score (though there may be source music for the pub) at least until we get in closer to the characters.

    There will be an overall theme for the prologue that plays over the opening credits/title cards and returns over the closing credits. Randall has a short theme that plays the first time he appears on-screen. The score leaves a lot of room to breathe, drawing the audience in to particular moments but giving them a chance to alternate between an objective and subjective experience of the events.

    Randall has the most "aggressive" them of the three, for lack of better wording. Holly has a more dynamic and flowing one. Peter has an odd and moddy one, more evocative of an experience or state of mind than of a particular personality trait.

    While the score may utilize full orchestra, it will not do the "over-blown romantic-in-your-face-emphasis" that even some of the best composers are occasionally guilty of. See "Anakin and Amidala in a field" in Episode II for an example of what the score will not be doing (and I say that with deference to Williams, whose talent far exceeds my own).

    My intent is that the music more often at subtext to the characters rather than emphasize or fight the action.

    So that is my current vision for the score - always open to better ideas. :) For the full length feature, I may see if some of my friends (most with AAA game or blockbuster movie credits or a Grammy) want to help, so I do not plan on doing this alone. @johnnym If your themes are better for the movie than what I have so far, rest assured that I will get behind them 100%.

    The most important thing is an awesome movie, so I am just doing whatever I can to serve that. If somebody offers something better, I will be ready to jump on that bandwagon instead. :)

  • I have experience with motion tracking. I use Blender for this, they are also improving their Tracker next version comes out in August. I could also track the footage. In the video below I show an example, I don´t used it in the final project because the result was not how I expected, however notice the shadow in the text DRUSIAN, and how integrated are the writes with the footage grain etc.

  • Thanks @kihlian for volunteering!

    Would everyone be okay with that? Was there anyone else that also wanted a shot at that work?

    Either way, looks like we may be able to stop worrying about the Randall clothing for now. Do you agree @AtticusD?

  • Great job @AtticusD . I read it earlier today but didn't have time to comment. I agree with @B3Guy that we need to hook the audience so it'll be easier to raise money on Kickstarter. I sense that there is pretty much no conflict in there, no bad guy(s), and doesn't say what Peter is trying to accomplish in this story, which should be included in even a logline to pitch. We are in essence trying to pitch this story to an audience.

    In one (or more) scenes we can have bad guys going after them on one of Mark ( I thought it's Peter?) and Holly's date. Mark and Holly fight the bad guys and escape. I can see that it's imply that Holly is a fellow "jumper" when she says she's not that different from Mark, although I wouldn't be surprise if I'm wrong :)

    Regarding the text T-shirts, we can include that as gifts for backers of this project on Kickstarter. Initially we would only order what we needed for the trailer. Once we know how many backers we can order more as needed to cover the backers.

    I apologize in advance if I come across as ungrateful ****, but I'm just playing devil's advocate here :)

  • @thepalalias this is a very good thread. it will be very useful if people just open up their own experience and techniques in gh2 commercial / featured film making.

    I read the wiki link. everything is there, what else i can say.hmm ok.

    Don't go for No_Budget, spend at least $100.

    This will give you more responsibility and motivation to make your film towards perfect. off course perfection is not a easy goal, but we should have something to motivate, push, sometimes force,ha ha,.

    Test ! Test and Test before you do serious production.

    practice with gh2 as much as possible. every patch is different.every mode, profile and lens is different.test all of them what you have. get the result out of the stuff you have.

    don't rush in the shooting spot.keep it all slow and steady, you need result take your time.

    most dslr film makers has a challenge in this areas, follow focus, exposure, rolling shutter, motion blur and so on. keep it slow and steady take until you get that perfect shot.if its error change your shot style and try.. try different possible angle for the same take. make sure you have enough resource(good takes) for editing after your shoot everyday.check be slow do well.

    Choose the rite NLE software for you.

    people speculate which is the best. i usually stick to what i know very well. if you are a master in adobe premiere keep it work with it. don't jump to fcp. master your NLE and get what you want.

    ;) thx Vitality. i wont post with lots of full stops here after.

  • @rajamalik

    Remember about capital letters and no "....." please.

  • @kong Thanks! It does not seem ungrateful at all. :) I do not think we want to go the action route, but things can be done to highlight the conflict. The way I read it (personally) there is a ton of conflict in there already, but if it is not clear in the readthrough, then that should be valuated (or evaluated as it were). Also, great idea about the t-shirts.

    @rajamalik Lots of good advice to keep in mind, thanks. :)